| The Goal | The Questions | The Deadly M.O.A.N.S. | Should You? |
| By the way . . . |

COGNITIVE RESTRUCTURING
(or How to STOP "Stinkin' Thinkin'")

Everyone experiences "self talk." This is merely the conversation you hold with yourself inside your head all throughout the day. It is normal. However, for most of us, nearly 80% of the automatic thinking that goes on in our head is negative, and not necessarily based in reality. This includes thoughts like, "He should have done . . . !" and "I must do . . . !" and "I always get in the slow line!" and "I never get asked to . . . !" and so on . . .

The goal in cognitive restructuring is to learn increased cognitive flexibility. This is accomplished by realizing that emotional arousal distorts our ability to view the world accurately—we tend to view events through our emotions. The stressful automatic thoughts that result from these distorted appraisals must be viewed as hypotheses, not facts. You can learn to challenge these hypotheses and base your thoughts on evidence.

Most of us do not usually challenge our stressful automatic thoughts simply because they are automatic and often unconscious—in much the same way we habitually respond to stress. Cognitive restructuring teaches us to stop, reflect and appraise situations more accurately. In doing so, stressful automatic thoughts and further emotional arousal are prevented or reduced.

Use the acronym "M.O.A.N.S." to help identify stressful automatic thoughts. Think of these thoughts as "The Deadly Moans." While this will not cure all of your "stinkin' thinkin'," it will help you recognize as much as 50% of it because you’ll often find the following words in stressful automatic thoughts:

    M ust
    O ught to (Got to, Have to, etc.)
    A lways
    N ever
    S hould

When you hear yourself thinking or saying, "I should do . . ." whatever it is, rephrase the thought as, "It would be nice if I did . . ." whatever it is.

Or, when you hear yourself using phrases like, "They must do what I want them to!" ask yourself questions from the list above, such as:
    "Is it really true that they must?"

Or at the grocery store, you think to yourself, "I always get in the slow line!"
    "Is it true?"
    "Am I catastrophizing?"
    "Is it really as bad as it seems?"
    "Is this an opportunity for me to practice slow, deep breathing?"

With practice, you’ll start getting the idea.

By the way . . . don't assume that you will get perfect at hearing all of the cognitive distortions in your self talk. The goal is improvement—not perfection. To begin, the idea that perfection is possible is a cognitive distortion, and trying to attain it causes stress . . .